So this Christmas weekend, Micah decided she was going to start making all kinds of new sounds and noises. They’re really cute. Here are a few of them. I will *hopefully* be putting up a short Christmas vid soon. I’ll let you guys know when it’s up.

We had not two, not three, but four different Thanksgiving meals this year (‘Murica). The Bean did so awesome — from being around hoards of relatives to traveling a few hours for the first time, she was a champ. Micah finally got to meet all her aunts and uncles. She got to meet three Great Grandmas as well, which was pretty neat.

Here are some pics.

Photos by Heather Kelson at I Heart Photo

Ok so I finally got around to writing my birth story. This was by far the most incredible, amazing, exhausting, and difficult thing that I have ever experienced. But the Lord was with us the whole time and Micah and I were both safe and healthy. I was never worried about our safety, but I did start to wonder if she was ever going to be born!  And she certainly came on her own time schedule.

On October 7 I woke up when David’s alarm was going off around 6:30am. I got up and went to the bathroom and noticed that I was feeling a little crampy. I had had a few painless contractions the day before, but other than that I had felt no other contractions or had any other signs of labor. I had a pretty great pregnancy with no complications or issues and to be perfectly honest I sort of expected my labor to continue in that manor. The mild contractions I had the day before didn’t feel crampy so I honestly didn’t think that it might be early labor. I got back into bed and mentioned the cramps to David and he was the one who suggested I might be in labor. We decided to get up and go for a walk to see if things would continue. We walked around our neighborhood and I was still having mild, painless cramping. He called into work and told them that he might not be coming in that day. We ate some breakfast and decided to take yet another walk. Things were still going so David decided to stay home. At this point I was already 10 days past my due date so I had an appointment scheduled with my midwife later that afternoon. I called to let her know what was going on and we decided that I would still keep my appointment. It was a beautiful fall day out so we went to the Fort Mill park and walked and walked and walked. David had downloaded a contraction timing app on his phone so he timed while we walked. They were coming pretty often but I could still easily walk and talk through them. Finally at 1 we headed to my appointment where Christine, my midwife checked me and told us that I was nearly 3 cm dilated! She said that she thought this was the real deal and to just eat, rest and labor at home. She also told us to go to do something fun. Once we left our appointment things really started to ramp up. My contractions became fairly painful and they were quite close together, but they were only lasting about 30 seconds. They were not unbearable however and we decided to go see a movie Thursday afternoon. We went to Ayrsley and watched The Social Network. I just leaned forward onto the back of the chair in front of me and breathed through any contractions that came while David rubbed my back. After the movie we stopped and got smoothies.

These shorter painful contractions continued through the evening and night. I had called my mom a few times during the day and told her we were in labor but I didn’t think she needed to make the drive from Durham just yet. Finally at about 9:30pm David called my mom and told her to go ahead and come to Charlotte. My contractions were extremely painful and getting longer, but they were still not consistently lasting a minute or longer yet. They were coming every 2 – 4 minutes and lasting anywhere from 30 seconds to about 50 seconds. My mom arrived a little after midnight. At this point I had not been able to walk or talk through the contractions for a while. I had been in the tub and tried walking around but finally just propped myself up in a corner so that I could lean my head on the wall and try to sleep in-between contractions. Once Mom got here we decided to head outside and walk some more. So the three of us were walking through my neighborhood at about 2am stopping every couple of minutes for me to lean on David and have a contraction. We went back inside and my mom told David to go get some rest so he laid down for a bit and Mom and I hung out downstairs and timed my contractions. Through the night they were getting closer and closer to being at least a minute long. The hardest part was the lack of rest. You just cannot get any sleep really during those contractions or even in-between.

David came back downstairs around 5 or 6am and finally, finally my contractions were about a minute long pretty consistently.  I got up and showered and my mom made breakfast but I just really didn’t have an appetite even though I was hungry. I tried to nibble on some peanut butter toast. We called Christine again and she suggested that we go to the chiropractor to get adjusted one last time and see if we could get Micah into a better position. Christine said that these last fifteen hours or so of contractions were not helping to dilate me, but to simply move Micah into a better position. So off we went to the chiropractor and i got adjusted in-between contractions. We came back home and again I tried to eat some soup but food just didn’t sound good and every time I ate it would cause a contraction to start up. So mostly I just drank water and labored while my mom and David hung out and watched me. I know it was hard on both of them to just watch me and know there was nothing that they could do to help.

At about 4pm my contractions were finally consistently at least one minute long and about 4 minutes apart. David made the call to Christine, who just happened to be at the birth center already. She said we could come in. It was such a relief to feel like we were moving forward and doing something! We packed up and headed to the birth center, which is only about five minutes from our house. At this point I also called our birth photographer and she started making her way down from Mooresville. Once we got settled in at the birth center, Christine suggested we walk more to help move things along. So we walked around and around the birth center. Then we would come in for a few minutes and then head back out to walk around the building a few more times. Our photographer arrived about 7:30 or so while we were outside walking. Davids parents had also been making their way to Charlotte that afternoon and they stopped by briefly to say hello and give us some hugs. My sister-in-law Beth came by a little later with her sister, Joy and David’s mom again to bring food for my mom and David. They came in and loved on me a little bit and then they all ate and hung out for a while. My dad was on his way to Charlotte by this time. He got to the birth center and came in to give me a hug and reminded me to breathe since I started having yet another contraction. My midwives were checking Micah’s heart tones every fifteen minutes or so and they were always really strong. Everyone went back out to wait and David and I settled in for more laboring. I got in the tub at one point which felt great, and labored in there for a while. I tried all different types of positions, from squatting in the tub to standing and holding onto a wall or David to leaning over the bed to the exercise ball. Mostly I preferred to be standing or sitting for my contractions. David was really amazing during this whole time. He was so encouraging and just loved on me and told me over and over that I could do this. He rubbed my back or just held me, basically he did whatever I asked him to. He stayed so positive, at least in front of me, for all those hours.

At some point in the wee hours of Saturday morning they checked me again and I was at 7-8 cm. This was very exciting news and I started thinking that Micah might be here soon. She was still doing great and we just kept on. At about 6am my midwives suggested breaking my water to really help move things along. There didn’t really seem to be a downside and we were willing to try anything at this point so we agreed. Christine had a tough time breaking my bag of waters but managed to break it after a couple of tries. Christine mentioned that apparently I had done some good, healthy eating during my pregnancy since it was really strong and difficult to break. After that I labored on the toilet for a little while so that I wouldn’t leak everywhere. A couple of hours later they checked me again and found that I was at 10cm! They said there was a little bit of a cervical lip still, but it was really soft and flexible and they felt that they could just hold it out of the way. But first they tried a few different positions to help get that last little bit out of the way. One of the positions felt really awful during contractions and i was really thankful to be done with that position. They kept asking me if I was feeling any pressure or an urge to push. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t feeling a huge urge to push unless I was in certain positions. When I was squatting or on the toilet were the main times that I felt any kind of pressure. So instead of being completely honest I told them that I was feeling an urge to push. I was just so tired and ready to meet our little lady. So we tried pushing on and off for a few hours in various positions, and typically with a midwife holding back the last little bit of cervical lip, which was extremely uncomfortable to put it mildly. Our other midwife, Jordan could feel her head only a couple of inches in so she called for the other midwife to come. At this point, I was thinking that we were so close to being done and meeting our sweet baby girl.

Once the other midwife arrived, things seemed to slow way down. My contractions were still extremely painful and intense but they were much farther apart than they had been. They gave me some black and blue cohosh to try and get things going again but it didn’t seem to do much. Finally they told David and I to lay down and try and get some rest. We tried to rest for a while, with me sitting up for every contraction, because laying down during them was nearly unbearable for me. Christine came back in and David went out for a few minutes. I had no clue but he was having a bit of a breakdown at this point. I too, felt like I had about reached my limit. I was so tired, hungry, and mostly just discouraged. I was on the verge of tears and just couldn’t see an end in sight. Christine checked me again and then told me that she could feel my cervix all the way around now. My body had regressed. I felt so crushed at this point. They went and got David and he came in and they explained our options. Micah and I were still both perfectly fine and healthy. We could stay and just keep laboring and try to rest, or even go home and labor there for a while (yeah right, there was no way we were considering that!), or we could go to the hospital for a little Pitocin to get things moving again. They left the room and we just broke down. I felt like I just couldn’t go on like this with no definite end in sight and no rest. We cried and hugged and both pretty quickly agreed to transfer to CMC Pineville. It was definitely hard for me to lose the ideal that I had imagined. I had dreamt of a peaceful, beautiful labor, hopefully in the water at the birth center, with no drugs. But I was so exhausted and feeling hopeless and all I wanted was a little bit of relief and to meet our daughter. It was about 4pm at this time and I had not slept for two full nights and had been dealing with painful contractions for about fifty hours at this point.

Our midwives were all wonderful. They fully supported our decision to transfer and never once made us feel bad about it. My wonderful photographer came over and hugged me and encouraged me. My main midwife, Christine had been a labor and delivery nurse at CMC Pineville for about ten years so she called ahead and let them know we were coming. We got there and everything was ready to go. We walked straight down to my room and they got me all set up. I had already made the decision to get an epidural or some kind of pain relief if at all possible, especially since they were going to give me Pitocin, which makes contractions even stronger and more intense. They hooked me up to an IV, after having to call in another nurse because the first one couldn’t get my IV started. I was sitting in the bed with the monitors on my belly and they started me on fluids and Pitocin. Sitting through the contractions without being able to move around was not fun. There is no way I would have been able to labor any amount of time naturally while just sitting in the bed. I couldn’t get any painkillers through my IV since I was at 8-9 cm so an epidural was the only pain relief option. The anesthesiologist came in and I sat up, had a contraction, and then another before he could get started. But once he gave me the epidural, it was instant relief. I could still feel a little bit of pressure and I could move my legs the whole time. I laid back down and immediately Micah’s heart rate dropped. David and I looked at each other and I thought, “What have I done?” The nurse had me turn over and gave me oxygen while calling for another nurse. I could tell that the nurse was worried as well. The whole incident only lasted a few seconds, really, but I was so terrified that I had made a huge mistake. Luckily everything evened out and Micah’s heart rate picked back up.  At this point my parents and sister in law came in for just a minute to see how I was doing. I remember telling my dad that I felt wonderful now. They turned the lights out and we all slept for about an hour or so until I woke up and started feeling pressure to push. Christine and my photographer were with us the whole time in the hospital. The nurses we had were amazing and let Christine help us and do her thing. No one ever made a negative comment about the birth center or what we had been doing and a C-section was never even mentioned, which had been my biggest fear in transferring to the hospital.

I woke up about 6 or 6:30 and the doctor came in and confirmed that I was 10 cm (again) and it was time to start pushing! This was finally, really truly happening! I started pushing with each contraction and then would put the oxygen mask back in on in-between. The oxygen made my mouth really dry and I asked if I could have some water. At this point it was about 7pm, which was a shift change and my new nurse said absolutely, which was awesome because normally once you have an epidural you are not supposed to eat or drink anything. At first, I could only feel pressure and Christine would look at the monitor to see if it was a contraction, but after a few minutes, i could feel the contractions and would push. I hated having the oxygen mask on. It made my face so hot and sweaty but I knew that it was good for Micah. I pushed during every contraction and then would basically fall asleep before it was time to push again. We did this for about 2 hours and David started telling me that he could see her head and she had hair. Then I remember hearing the doctor call for the baby nurse to come in and all of a sudden I noticed that the room filled with people. This gave me the strength to keep going. She was so close! I pushed her head out and then the doctor told me to hold on a minute and then give a gentle push and he delivered the rest of her. They immediately pulled my gown down and put her on my chest for some skin on skin time. David and I cried tears of joy and relief and kept saying over and over, “She’s here” and “We did it”. I told David to come around so he could see her face. He came to the other side and bent down to talk to Micah. She looked right at him and then he moved and she followed him with her eyes. It was a pretty incredible moment. All of a sudden I was wide awake and couldn’t believe that she was here and so perfect. She had a head full of hair which is something that we both had prayed for and she was so perfectly beautiful. She also had a cute little button nose. We called our moms to come in and meet her and then our dads and David’s brother Paul were able to come in as well. Some of our closest friends had been waiting and praying for us in the waiting room and they were able to come in a few minutes later and meet our sweet little lady.

Micah was born at 8:32 pm on Saturday, October 9 after 54.5 hours of labor and 12 days after her due date. She weighed 7 lbs, 7 oz and was 20.5 inches long.

I have had some time over the last month to look back and reflect on my labor and Micah’s birth and really, I don’t think I would change a thing. This was our story and it was what needed to happen. I have no clue if things would have gone quicker had we gone to a hospital to begin with, or if we would have ended up with a C-section. Who knows? But I felt and still do feel that we did what we thought was right for us and our family from the beginning. We did everything possible to have a natural, drug free birth, but that wasn’t in the cards for us this time. And that is OK. Of course I have mourned the loss of my “ideal” labor and birth and what I had pictured, and wondered why things just didn’t work out for me when so many others I know had been able to do this a certain way, but ultimately what matters is that Micah is here, safe and perfect. And I would do it all over again 100 times to have this beautiful little blessing here with us.

We went to Freedom Park this past weekend. At 5 weeks old, it was Micah’s first trip to the park. When I was editing this video, I was wishing I had shot more. I really only pulled out my camera for about 10 or 15 minutes, during most of which Micah was eating. But I was stoked to get some really great footage of my nephews, Noah and Jakob. Enjoy!

Music: “Pet Grief” by The Radio Dept.

These shots are extra special, because Micah’s grandma Beth made the flowery blanket.

I promise – she really does spend some time awake. Maybe I need to take more pictures during those times…

Micah’s first seven days. This video is especially for our grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters who haven’t met Micah face to face yet.

Music: “Godan daginn” by Sigur Ros

• Things don’t always go the way you plan them. In fact, sometimes they go the exact opposite. And that’s OK. It’s not failure. Sometimes, it’s just how life goes.

• There’s only so many times you can say encouraging things before they become hollow and empty in your mouth.

• You might not know how much you love your wife until you see her go through a 60-some hour long labor, and come out on the other side with the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen. I thought I knew how much I loved my wife. I didn’t.

• Before we had our first baby, people who said things like, “You’re getting an epidural? What’s wrong with you?” or “I can’t believe you’re not getting an epidural – what’s wrong with you?” really got on my nerves. After having our first baby, they still get on my nerves.

• Despite what you think you learned from middle school, girls are much tougher than guys.

• I have always been very glad I’m a guy, for a number of obvious reasons. I am now profoundly, even more glad I’m a guy.

• Watching our daughter’s birth process was the hardest thing I’ve done in my entire life.

• Seeing our daughter born into the world, and laid on my love’s chest within seconds, is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, by far.